Theresa asked: Alicia, I think the inside/outside contrast would work so well if we had a clearer orientation for the pov character. Do you agree?
Yes, and the inside/outside does work if I have in my head that she's INSIDE looking OUT.
However... no biggie, but I'm thinking in terms of POV here. She's LOOKING out. So it might be fun to show that it's hot outside in a -visual- sense. That is, as she's looking out, her visual sense is to the fore-- her primary mode of perceiving the world at that moment, and especially the outside world. So how can you convey heat visually? The tarmac wavered in the 100-degree heat? The baggage handlers waiting beside the gate were dripping with sweat in the 100-degree heat?
Just a thought-- at any given moment, the POV character is probably using one sense more than the others, and it might be more unified if the sensory input is being perceived through that sense.
Ian, you are so nice to let us borrow your paragraph!! :)